What Type of Couples Therapy is Right for You? Comparing EFT, Gottman, and More
Every relationship goes through seasons. Some feel warm and steady. Others are marked by distance, frustration, or confusion. Most couples sometimes wonder if they’re missing something, if their relationship could be stronger, or if they’re headed in the wrong direction entirely. That’s when couples therapy enters the conversation, not as a last resort, but as a deliberate, caring step forward.
With so many types of couples therapy available, the next question becomes: Which one fits? Is it better to focus on emotions or communication skills? Are you looking to reconnect, repair, or determine whether the relationship should continue?
Let’s look at some of the most respected approaches to couples therapy, including Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), the Gottman Method, and others, to help you decide what might work best for your relationship.
Why Do Couples Turn to Therapy?
Relationships rarely unravel overnight. Distance grows slowly. Misunderstandings pile up. Intimacy fades, sometimes without either partner noticing until the silence becomes louder than the conversations.
People come to couples therapy for all kinds of reasons. Some are dealing with repeated conflict. Others are facing the fallout of betrayal or infidelity, and some have stopped feeling close altogether. Others are preparing for marriage and want to build a solid foundation.
Common signs it might be time to speak with a therapist include:
Ongoing arguments that never get resolved
Emotional withdrawal or shutdown
Loss of sexual connection or physical intimacy
Life transitions like new parenting, grief, or relocation
Communication that feels strained, reactive, or distant
A sense that you’re growing apart
There’s no single right time to seek help. But one thing is clear: waiting too long can make repairing things harder. According to Gottman research, couples wait 6.5 years before they seek help. That’s one year too long. Therapy is not a place to go and blame your partner. It’s a place to gain understanding about the patterns you’re stuck in and finding your way out together.
The Most Common Types of Couples Therapy
Many people are surprised to learn that there isn’t just one universal method for beginning therapy. Different styles of couples therapy exist because relationships are complex, and so are the people in them.
Here’s a brief overview of the most commonly used methods:
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
The Gottman Method
Imago Relationship Therapy
Discernment Counselling
PACT (Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy)
Relational Life Therapy (RLT)
Integrative or customized approaches
Let’s explore the key differences so you can begin to understand what might feel like the right fit.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
EFT is one of the most researched and respected models for couples therapy. Based on the science of adult attachment, it helps couples understand the emotional needs that drive their behaviours, especially during conflict.
When couples argue, they often respond not just to the surface issue, but to deeper needs for safety, love, acceptance, or connection. EFT helps uncover those needs and change the negative cycles that keep couples stuck.
In practice, EFT sessions are less about giving homework and more about creating emotional safety. Couples learn to soften during conflict, hear each other differently, and build a more secure bond.
EFT is especially effective for:
Couples feel emotionally disconnected
Relationships affected by trauma or past attachment wounds
Rebuilding trust after betrayal or infidelity
The Gottman Method
After decades of research, Drs. John and Julie Gottman developed the Gottman Method, which is practical, structured, and skills-based. It focuses on three key areas: building friendship and intimacy, managing conflict constructively, and creating shared meaning as a couple.
In therapy, couples are guided through tools like Love Maps (to deepen understanding of each other’s world), rituals of connection, and strategies for softening start-ups during conflict.
The Gottman Method is ideal for couples who:
Want practical tools to improve communication
Prefer a structured, research-based framework
Are navigating recurring arguments or defensiveness
Unlike EFT, which focuses on deep emotional healing, Gottman therapy leans more into building skills and habits that create a strong relationship foundation. It’s especially effective when both partners are open to practicing new approaches outside the therapy room.
For those comparing Gottman vs EFT, it often comes down to preference. Some couples feel drawn to the emotional depth of EFT, while others want the tangible structure of Gottman tools.
Other Approaches to Consider
Not every couple fits neatly into one method. Some therapists are trained in multiple approaches and will adapt based on the couple’s needs. Here are a few additional styles that may be the right fit depending on the relationship stage and goals.
Imago Relationship Therapy
Imago Therapy focuses on the idea that our romantic relationships often reflect unfinished patterns from childhood. Through dialogue techniques and deep empathy, couples explore how they trigger each other and why that may hold the key to healing.
It’s most helpful for:
Couples in long-term conflict loops
Partners who want to understand the emotional roots of their reactions
Deepening empathy and connection
Discernment Counselling
Sometimes, one partner is ready to work on the relationship while the other isn’t sure they want to stay. Discernment Counselling provides short-term clarity, not long-term therapy.
It’s designed for:
Couples on the brink of separation
Partners unsure whether they want to continue or divorce
Creating a space where decisions are made with care, not pressure
PACT (Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy)
PACT combines neuroscience, attachment theory, and principles of arousal regulation to help couples understand how their brain and body responses influence relationship dynamics. Sessions often involve real-time observation and movement—such as how partners orient toward or away from each other during conflict.
It’s especially helpful for:
Couples who struggle with intense, fast-moving conflict
Relationships impacted by early attachment trauma or nervous system dysregulation
Those open to a dynamic, in-the-moment style of therapy
PACT helps partners become more secure functioning—meaning both people learn to act in the best interest of the relationship, not just themselves.
Relational Life Therapy (RLT)
Created by Terry Real, RLT is a bold, honest, and often directive approach that helps partners confront harmful patterns head-on—especially those rooted in power imbalances or hidden resentments. It integrates accountability with deep compassion and is designed to spark change quickly.
RLT is a good fit for:
Couples stuck in cycles of blame, control, or emotional withdrawal
Relationships impacted by gender roles, cultural dynamics, or power struggles
Partners who are ready for direct, truth-telling conversations
Unlike gentler models, RLT isn’t afraid to call things out—but always with the goal of restoring respect, connection, and love.
What to Consider When Choosing a Therapy Style
So, how do you know which path is right for your relationship? Start by reflecting on the following:
What are your goals for therapy? (e.g., reconnecting, communicating better, rebuilding trust, deciding whether to stay together)
Do you prefer a structured, skills-based approach or something more emotion-focused?
Are there underlying mental health or trauma concerns that may require extra sensitivity?
Are both partners committed to the process, or is there ambivalence?
It’s completely normal not to know the answers right away. The important thing is finding a therapist who creates a space where both partners feel safe, heard, and respected. The method matters, but the relationship with the therapist matters just as much.
Some therapists offer integrative counselling, which blends techniques from EFT, Gottman, and other models. This means therapy can adapt as a relationship evolves.
Looking to Start Couples Therapy in Edmonton?
The best couples therapy isn’t one-size-fits-all. It’s responsive, relational, and grounded in the people's real lives in the room.
Maybe you’re a couple who has grown distant over the years. Perhaps the spark is there, but the communication has suffered. Or maybe you’re simply ready to stop surviving and start reconnecting.
Whatever brings you here, there’s a path forward. The first step isn’t figuring everything out alone; it’s reaching out.
If you’re wondering which approach to couples therapy makes the most sense for your relationship, we’re here to help you explore it. Sessions are available in Edmonton or virtually from wherever you are.