Unveiling Gaslighting: A Guide to Spotting the Sneaky Signs

By: Brooklyn Chang, RSW, MSW

Hey folks! Today, we're delving into a topic that’s been a hot topic in the social media world: Gaslighting. Ever heard of it? It's a subtle, manipulative tactic that can leave you confused, doubtful, and questioning your sanity. But fear not! We're here to shed some light on how to spot gaslighting and protect yourself from its effects.

So… What is it?

Gaslighting might sound like a fancy term, but it's basically a sneaky way someone messes with your head. Imagine this: You're chilling with a friend or a partner, and suddenly, they start making you doubt your thoughts and feelings. They might say things like, "That never happened," even though you're sure it did. Or they might make you feel like you're overreacting when you're just expressing how you feel. That's gaslighting in action.

So, what's the big deal with gaslighting? Well, it's like having someone constantly mess with your reality. They twist things around, make you question yourself, and shake your confidence. It's not just a little disagreement—it's a way for someone to control and manipulate you. Gaslighting can happen in various relationships, like with friends, family, or even at school or work. The person doing the gaslighting might tell lies, deny things, or try to make you feel crazy for thinking the way you do.

Spotting gaslighting isn't always easy because it creeps up on you slowly.

But here are some signs to watch out for:

Denying Reality:

They say something didn't happen, even though you know it did. It's like history is being rewritten right in front of your eyes. It's all about twisting things around to make you question what you know is true. This sneaky tactic can happen in any relationship, like with friends, family, or even at school or work. And it's not just a little disagreement—it's a way for someone to control and manipulate you. So, if you ever feel like someone's playing mind games with you, trust your gut and don't let them mess with your reality. You deserve better!

Downplaying Your Feelings:

Have you ever felt like your emotions were brushed off as unimportant or exaggerated? Maybe the words “You don’t need to get so emotional about this…” have been uttered. That's a classic gaslighting move. This can leave you second-guessing yourself, wondering if you're overreacting or being unreasonable for feeling hurt. It's a subtle way of invalidating your emotions and shifting the blame onto you, making you question the validity of your own feelings and experiences.

Twisting the Truth:

They might twist facts or manipulate situations to make you look like the bad guy so that they get to be innocent. A classic move might sound like, “I know you are catching feelings for me, but I told you that all I wanted was friends with benefits situationship sooo….[thats on you for falling for me].” By manipulating the truth in this way, they seek to undermine your confidence in your memory and perception of reality. It's such a cunning way of shifting blame and avoiding accountability while leaving you disoriented and uncertain.

Telling Lies:

Sometimes, they'll lie flat-out, even when you know they're not telling the truth. For instance, imagine you confront a friend about a hurtful comment they made behind your back. Instead of admitting to their words, they might outright deny ever saying such a thing, despite evidence to the contrary. They could even go as far as creating false narratives or spreading rumors to make you doubt your own memory and question the validity of your concerns. By weaving a web of lies, they seek to undermine your trust in yourself and sow seeds of doubt in your mind. It's a deceptive way of maintaining control and power over you while eroding your confidence in your own perceptions.

Blaming You for Their Behavior:

Ever been accused of doing something you didn't do, while they're the ones guilty of it? That's called projection, and it's a sneaky gaslighting trick. For example, let's say you express concern to your partner about their lack of communication in the relationship. Instead of acknowledging their own shortcomings, they might turn the tables and accuse you of being too demanding or needy. They might say something like, "You're always nagging me about this," or "You're just too sensitive." By shifting blame onto you, they avoid taking accountability for their behaviour and make you doubt the validity of your concerns. This tactic can leave you feeling guilty, questioning whether you're being unreasonable, and ultimately accepting blame for problems that aren't yours to bear.

Final Thoughts

Gaslighting is a sneaky and harmful tactic, but armed with knowledge and awareness, you can protect yourself from its effects. Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. Don't let anyone undermine your reality or make you doubt your worth. Trust yourself, stand firm in your truth, and surround yourself with people who uplift and support you.