Strengthening Bonds: 10 Tips for Supporting an Anxious Partner
Hey folks! If you're reading this, chances are you know someone living with anxiety or experiencing anxiety symptoms. Watching someone you care about struggle can be challenging, especially if you're unsure how to help.
Anxiety’s presence often brings doubt and confusion to all partners involved. You weren't prepared for this and can't choose who you fall in love with. I don’t know a single person who was taught how to date someone with anxiety or how to date as someone who is living with anxiety.
However, anxiety doesn't have to harm your relationship or make it difficult to enjoy. Understanding the anxiety and its effects on you, your partner, and the relationship can deepen your love and strengthen your bond. Learning about anxiety can also help reduce much of the stress it causes.
Let's talk about it!
At some point in your relationship, your partner will reveal that they struggle with anxiety, whether through a direct conversation or your own observations over time. This is a pivotal moment, so approach it with sensitivity, empathy, and without judgement. This might be the time to check in with the partner about what they are looking for—what types of support feel good for them and what doesn’t. Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all solution for anxiety, so while this article will give you some tips and strategies, your partner is the best knowledge keeper of what will work for them.
It is also important to remember that anxiety can be tough to deal with; a common trap relationships fall into is that the anxiety and the partner become one entity. This leads to the following association equation:
Anxiety = tough to deal with; partner = tough to deal with
This can be a big challenge for relationships, often impacting the ability to give and receive affection, how intimacy is handled, and how conflict is dealt with. So, a big reminder: looking at anxiety as something the relationship is struggling with will help you become a team in managing the symptoms of anxiety.
So what should you know?
Anxiety is no joke—it's a genuine mental health issue, not just something people conjure up. While it's a normal part of life for everyone to some degree, it can escalate into a full-blown concern if it becomes severe. It is important to remember that most folks living with anxiety often wish they didn't have to bear the burden, fearing it may strain their relationships.
For some, anxiety is a crippling force that disrupts daily life. It triggers fight-or-flight responses to situations that aren't life-threatening, like worrying incessantly about the stability of a relationship. However, many individuals successfully manage intimate connections and lead fulfilling lives despite their struggles.
Anxiety doesn't adhere to a predictable pattern; it can strike unexpectedly, linger for extended periods, or manifest intermittently. Moreover, it doesn't always make sense—it prompts worries and actions, even when evidence suggests otherwise.
If anxiety is causing distress for you or your partner, there's no need to lose hope. With the right support and resources, managing anxiety is entirely feasible.
10 Practical Strategies for Supporting a Partner Who Has Anxiety
1. Learn About Anxiety
First things first, understanding what anxiety is can help. There are different types of anxiety disorders, like generalised anxiety disorder (GAD), panic disorder, and social anxiety disorder. The more you know, the better you can support your partner. It all comes back to the idea that anxiety is not a one-size-fits-all-all. Talking to your partner about what their anxiety looks like will help you understand how to work with your partner to manage the symptoms of anxiety.
2. Be a Good Listener
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is just listen. Let your partner talk about their feelings without interrupting or judging them. Show empathy by nodding and making eye contact. Ask curious questions when they pop up. I know that it can be tempting to support a loved one by turning on your Fix It Brain or trying to act as a surrogate therapist. This will become emotionally draining for both partners, potentially leading to resentment. You don't always need to offer solutions; just being there can be enough.
3. Avoid Judgment and Criticism
It's essential to avoid saying things like "Just calm down" or "You're overreacting." These comments can make your partner feel misunderstood and even more anxious. Instead, acknowledge their feelings and offer reassurance. Say something like, "I know this is hard for you. I'm here for you."
4. Learn Their Triggers
Anxiety triggers are things that can cause someone to feel anxious. These can be specific situations, people, or even certain topics of conversation. Talk to your partner about their triggers; as a team, develop strategies that might work if the partner gets triggered so that both of you are in the know.
5. Help Them with Coping Strategies
There are lots of ways to cope with anxiety. Some people find deep breathing exercises helpful, while others benefit from physical activities like yoga or going for a walk. Help your partner discover what works for them and be there to support them in using these strategies.
6. Be Patient
Supporting someone with anxiety requires patience. There will be good days and bad days. Understand that progress can be slow and that it's okay. Celebrate the small victories and be there during the setbacks.
7. Take Care of Yourself Too
While it's important to support your partner, you also need to take care of yourself. Make sure you're not neglecting your own needs and well-being. It's okay to set boundaries and take time for self-care. Remember, you can't pour from an empty cup.
8. Communicate Openly
Healthy relationships are built on good communication. Talk openly with your partner about your feelings and ask them to do the same. This can help you both understand each other better and work together to manage anxiety. To show your romantic partner you accept their anxiety, you need to encourage them to open up about it. Try to listen without judging, becoming defensive or taking their anxiety personally. Provide reassurance and have empathy towards the situation.
9. Show Love and Support
Finally, show your partner that you care. Sometimes, small gestures like a hug, a kind word, or spending quality time together can make a big difference. Let them know they're not alone and that you're in this together.
10. Encourage Professional Help
Remember in tip #4 where I talked about how you don’t need to put on your Fix-It-Brain or Therapist Hat? Well, I am going to restate it here… You are not responsible for providing therapy to your partner. You are not expected to know the evidence-based models for treating anxiety. Getting help from a licensed therapist ensures that the appropriate techniques are used to address the specific type of anxiety effectively. Maybe it is supporting the partner doing individual therapy, or perhaps you consider relationship/couples therapy to learn strategies together.
Final Thoughts
Supporting a partner with anxiety isn't always easy, but your love and understanding can make a world of difference. Remember, you don't have to have all the answers; just being there can mean everything. Keep learning, be patient, and take care of each other.
