Healing After Infidelity
By: Brooklyn Chang, RSW, MSW
Infidelity can be a devastating blow to any individual and relationship, leaving behind a trail of broken trust and shattered emotions. Whether you are processing as an individual or a couple, coping with the aftermath requires immense resilience and a commitment to healing.
As you begin the healing journey, it is important to remember no set method, time frame, or action works for every person. Giving yourself or your relationship as much patience and compassion as you move forward will be essential to healing from this type of hurt.
Infidelity often will follow the same stages as grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Grief is not expected to go away overnight, so remember that this type of hurt will not happen overnight just because you feel ready to “get out of these feelings.”
The dynamics of each relationship, the specific circumstances surrounding the affair, and the concerted efforts invested in reconciliation collectively shape the timeline of emotional recovery. Therefore, acknowledging the multifaceted nature of this process is crucial for individuals and couples navigating the complex terrain of healing after infidelity.
Whether you're leaning towards working things out with your partner or contemplating moving forward on your own, we've put together a list of ways to support you in healing and taking care of yourself after facing the pain of infidelity.
Communication is Key
Effective communication after infidelity is the foundation of healing as an individual or a couple. Establishing an open and honest dialogue with your partner is paramount. Encourage each other to express thoughts and emotions without judgment, allowing both parties to understand the depth of the hurt caused. Avoiding blame games and instead focusing on active listening can create a safe space for genuine conversation. Communication also allows both parties to understand and make informed decisions about what they would like to see as a result of the infidelity coming to light.
Set Clear Boundaries
Whether as an individual navigating the aftermath alone or as part of a couple working towards reconciliation, boundaries play a crucial role in rebuilding trust and preventing future transgressions. By openly communicating and mutually agreeing upon expectations, partners create a framework that fosters accountability and transparency, offering a visible commitment to change. These boundaries act as a protective shield, reducing the likelihood of misunderstandings and establishing predictability in the relationship.
Moreover, setting clear boundaries creates a healthier and more constructive environment by requiring communication, compromise, and a shared commitment to the relationship's well-being. On an individual level, asserting personal boundaries becomes an empowering act of self-care, allowing the injured party to articulate their needs and contribute to their own emotional healing. Ultimately, boundaries are not restrictive barriers but rather pillars supporting the rebuilding of trust, respect, and understanding, paving the way for a relationship that can emerge stronger and more resilient.
Take Time for Self-Care
Coping with infidelity is emotionally draining, and it's essential to prioritize self-care. By nurturing your mental and emotional states, you will be better equipped to participate actively in healing. This commitment to self-care fosters personal growth, improving self-confidence, self-empowerment and sense of self-worth. If you are working with your partner to heal from the infidelity, time for individual self-care also contributes to the relationship's collective resilience, enabling partners to approach the challenges ahead with a stronger sense of self and a more profound capacity for empathy and understanding.
Rebuilding Trust
The essence of trust holds a deeply personal significance, especially when grappling with the aftermath of infidelity and deciding whether to stay in the relationship or part ways. Trust isn't just a concept; it's the emotional glue that binds people together. If you choose to stay and work through the challenges, rebuilding trust becomes the foundation upon which you can rebuild a sense of security and connection.
It goes beyond words – it demands real, consistent actions from the partner who caused the hurt. Open communication, sincere efforts to reshape daily routines, and an active commitment to the emotional growth of the relationship are vital.
Even if the decision is to go separate ways, trust remains crucial. The scars of infidelity might lead to skepticism, even towards partners who have never betrayed your trust. Sharing your past and being honest about your triggers with future partners is a crucial step; it provides them with insights into your emotions, thoughts and reactions. This process is inherently personal, influencing not only your present relationships but also laying the foundation for healthier connections in the future.
Finding the Balance Between Supporting Your Partner and Nurturing Your Own Well-being Amidst Depression
In line with promoting “pleasant events” for your partner, it is equally important to stress how looking after yourself is essential when you're helping a partner with depression. Studies show that people who care for someone else can sometimes forget to care for themselves. When this happens, they might get tired and feel they can't help their partner. If you're running on empty, it's hard to help someone else fill up their tank. It's like putting on your oxygen mask before helping someone else on a plane—it's essential!
Doing things that make you feel good, like going for a walk, reading a book, or talking to friends, helps you stay strong. When you're feeling good, you can give better, longer-lasting support to your partner. So, taking time for yourself isn't selfish—it's a way to keep on giving good help to the person you care about who's going through a tough time.
Healing from infidelity will be a labour of love; take your time, and be compassionate to yourself as you start this journey. Sometimes, healing might require professional support.
Couples or individual therapy can provide valuable insights and tools to navigate the complexities of emotions and relationships. While the road may be rocky, it is through effort, patience and dedication that individuals and couples can emerge from the pain.
