5 Biggest Myths About Boundaries

May 9

Boundaries are everywhere. You may be familiar with fences and walls that we use to mark property lines and keep away intruders. Your cellphone that is password proceed, give access to only those you allow. Your Wi-Fi at home has a built-in password (boundary) that only allows access to friends and family.

The clothes you wear, are a boundary. Whats under is accessible to the one whom you give consent. We simply call boundaries, personal space.

Having healthy boundaries with other people allows you to rediscover yourself everyday. What you like? Who you like? What you can tolerate?

Setting boundaries helps you learn how to exercise your power of choice.

The more you set boundaries, the easier it becomes. Setting boundaries is like working on your “muscles”. The more your boundaries are exercised, the more the muscle continues to develop.

A person with clear, healthy boundaries communicates to others what is and is not permissible, saying, If I do let you in, you can only come this far.

Indicators you need to set boundaries.

It’s not always easy to set boundaries, but there are some key indicators that need close attention. Whenever you begin to feel any discomfort, resentment, and guilt it might be an indicator that some boundaries are missing.

When resentment and discomfort begin to show up in a relationship it means your boundaries have been violated. Guilt can be confusing at times, much more if you are in an abusive relationship (emotional & physical), it may feel like you are always in the wrong.

Myth 1: Boundaries are a one size fits all.

There is a belief that all boundaries are the same in all relationships. But boundaries are not a uniform experience. Rather, both boundary violations and the boundaries we create can look quite different with different people. Not all boundaries with your partners will look the same. Every relationship is unique, as you break up and make up, set fresh boundaries.

Myth 2: They didn’t know so “it’s ok”.

Just because someone didn’t know they were violating your boundaries, it doesn’t make it “ok” for them. Sometimes we absolve people of their guilt because they had no idea you didn’t like it. Respect is respect even if they didn’t know.

Respecting your boundaries should not be a moving target. When you do, you lose your identity. Anyone who crosses your, you inherit their identity.

Myth 3: Boundaries are selfish.

It’s not all the time that you will be able to hold space for your partner. Some days your plate may be full already. It’s actually unfair to think that you should always have the capacity for your partner. If you are there for your partner when you are depleted, you’ll become resentful, and feel over-whelmed.

Saying yes, feels good in the moment. But when you’re not able to keep your commitment because you’re stretched too thin – you’ll fall into the guilt trap.

Myth 4: Boundaries push people away.

Boundaries are a key to creating closeness in relationships. They help you distinguish yourself from your partner and ironically, that allows you to choose to be closer to your partner unconditionally.

Myth 5: Ignoring something you didn’t like is not low key dismissing the issue.

The derogatory comments that you have ignored for the sake of keeping the peace and the awkward moments that you’ve allowed to continue because you didn’t want to offend anyone are a breeding ground for toxicity.

When you don’t say something, you are extending an invitation for them to do it again because the last they thought it was ok.

Losing yourself is not an acceptable price to pay for connection.

Once you make your values negotiable, you will continue to pay the price of having your opinions and desires being heard. This will all be at the cost of keeping something that looks like a connection, but instead, it is a toxic relationship experience.