Exploring the Depths of Cheating and Infidelity
By: Brooklyn Chang, RSW, MSW
The feelings that come after infidelity are similar to how we experience grief stages. At first, there's this surprise that someone you trust could do something hurtful. You might even find it hard to believe it's true. After that, you feel hurt and angry and often wonder: Why do people cheat?"
Before digging into the different motivations around cheating, it is important to note that cheating and its definition can change from person to person, relationship to relationship. Cheating may include aspects of sexual and physical activities to developing emotional relationships with other people. Due to the changing definitions of cheating or infidelity, every relationship should discuss what cheating means to them. Setting these boundaries early in a relationship is crucial to upholding mutual respect and preserving the connection between partners. Whether it's a physical or emotional affair, cheating can severely harm a relationship.
Factors that lead to cheating:
Seeking Physical Fulfillment:
Infidelity can arise from a need for physical connection stemming from various sources within an individual's life. Sometimes, the absence of physical intimacy in an existing relationship can trigger this urge. When one feels a lack of closeness or affection, a longing for physical connection may lead them to seek it elsewhere.
The allure of someone new, an attraction that sparks a feeling of excitement or intrigue, might tempt someone away from their committed relationship. This attraction doesn't necessarily reflect dissatisfaction with their current partner but represents a compelling momentary allure. Seeking validation or comfort in someone else's company is a temporary relief from the weight of these difficulties.
Seeking Emotional Fulfillment:
For many individuals, the root cause of seeking connections outside their relationship lies in the emotional aspects rather than physical ones. The absence of attention, affection, and a deep yearning for appreciation and admiration within their existing relationships becomes a catalyst for seeking fulfillment elsewhere.While physical intimacy often grabs attention in discussions about infidelity, the impact of emotional affairs can be equally—if not more—damaging. Emotional connections formed outside the primary relationship can erode trust, intimacy, and the foundation of the relationship itself.
Personal Struggles:
Personal struggles, such as low self-esteem or a fear of commitment, can become powerful forces driving individuals toward seeking solace or comfort in someone else's embrace. When plagued by low self-esteem, people might grapple with feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness within their current relationship. In an attempt to find affirmation and reassurance, they may seek validation in the arms of another, hoping to fill the void created by their inner insecurities. Similarly, a fear of commitment can propel someone to seek refuge in a new connection's temporary comfort.
The prospect of long-term commitment may trigger anxiety or feelings of being trapped, leading individuals to seek solace outside their committed relationship. In such cases, the pursuit of momentary relief from commitment-related fears can inadvertently lead to further complications and relational distress. It's like trying to fix a problem with the wrong solution, causing more harm than good in the long run.
Past Emotional Pain:
The impact of past emotional pain is profound and far-reaching, often acting as an invisible force that shapes an individual's present experiences. Emotional wounds from previous relationships or childhood experiences can cast a lingering shadow on one's emotional well-being. These unresolved issues can influence current perceptions, responses, and the overall quality of personal relationships.
When faced with such emotional distress, seeking solace in the arms of another person may emerge as an instinctive response. Cheating for some is not merely a quest for physical comfort but is driven by a deep-seated desire to escape or numb the pain associated with unresolved emotional wounds. The embrace of a new connection can temporarily distract from the haunting echoes of past hurts and provide a momentary illusion of security and understanding.
Impact of Technology:
In today’s landscape of relationships, technology has become a double-edged sword, altering fidelity dynamics in unprecedented ways. The ubiquity of social media platforms, dating apps, and online interactions has revolutionized the way people connect, opening new avenues for communication and, unfortunately, providing potential pathways for infidelity.
Social media platforms, with their instant accessibility, have become breeding grounds for emotional connections that can transcend the boundaries of physical space. The discreet nature of online interactions allows individuals to establish emotional bonds, sometimes without knowing their partners.
The nature of online interactions provides individuals with a sense of detachment, fostering an illusion of anonymity that emboldens them to engage in behaviours they might not consider in a more traditional setting. The perceived distance created by the digital screen can lead to a blurring of ethical boundaries, with individuals rationalizing their actions as harmless or justifiable.
Cheating's aftermath extends beyond the individual involved; it casts a shadow on all parties, shattering trust and leaving behind emotional scars. The feelings of betrayal, anger, and sorrow can linger, inflicting profound wounds on relationships. Navigating through infidelity demands honest conversations, empathy, and seeking support if necessary. Rebuilding trust and fostering emotional closeness become pivotal in healing the pain caused by betrayal.
Cheating isn't limited to any specific gender; it's a behaviour anyone can engage in. It's natural for people to feel attraction to others, even when they're committed to a partner. However, what truly matters is how individuals manage these feelings.
The reasons behind cheating are multifaceted, stemming from personal, relationship, and societal factors. Understanding these factors promotes openness, creating opportunities for healthier connections. While infidelity might appear common, it's the process of comprehending and tackling these underlying issues that fosters growth and nurtures stronger bonds.
